Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
