were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
