Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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