He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
