why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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