Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
that may or may not have been my penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
