i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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