We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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