Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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