Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.