he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.