I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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