thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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