Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
