he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will pee on everything he values.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
