she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
