I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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