made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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