so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
