i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
