tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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