Someone shit on the floor
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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