if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
