He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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