You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
