He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
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Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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