I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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