I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
