I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize