i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
