I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
