YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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