I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
