My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
love makes seman taste better
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
