I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
