marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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