I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize