i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ttyl tear gas
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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