i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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