she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic