What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.