Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.