I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane