That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.