I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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