nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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