Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize