Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS