break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups