what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
