How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
