party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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