apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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