Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
