Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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