I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
