i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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